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hello! my name is liv/ mei zhen/ turbo bear. i am an australian-born chinese settler with ancestry traced back to guangdong province, china in the 1880s/90s. iwas raised in nipaluna/hobart currently reside in naarm/melbourne.
for the entirety of my adult life i have been curious to unveil the various influences that shape my experience and perception of the world. throughout school i never understood why i felt different or inferior to others, nor that my body existed in a near-permanent state of freeze/fawn embodiment. below conscious awareness, my overachieving academic and sporting performance was fuelled by shame and deep self-loathing, as well as a yearning for meaningful belonging and connection. as these traits and desires began bubbling to the surface, i found solace in the self-help shelves of my local bookstore. this eventually shifted into a more conscious reckoning with the repressed shadows that had shrouded me since childhood, taking me along an exploration and reclaimation of various aspects of identity, including but not limited to queerness, spirituality, and my cultural heritage. in more recent years i have also begun to connect the historical context in which my existence is hinged upon, that being the violent legacy of colonisation on the continental land mass of australia, which for over 60 000 years has been reverently stewarded by First Nations people. this journey has since emerged as a more conscious endeavour to understand my sense of purpose in this life: how it has been shaped and severed by the western systems of dominance we live under, and how it can be redirected towards our inherent nature, which is that of nature.
the idea of this website/blog is to unveil some of the real-time learnings, reflections and experiences that shape the continued evolution of becoming that i encounter. i plan to unapologetically share parts of my daily journalling in different styles depending on my mood or capacity – oftentimes unfinished, unedited, and inconsistent; either analytical, poetic, or subconscious – but always underpinned by attempts of honesty and authenticity. i am genuinely excited at the prospect of seeing how much vulnerability i can tolerate of myself online – in all my perceived messiness, imperfection and tendencies of self-judgment – viewing it as a reflective experiment in learning to build greater love, compassion and acceptance for all the parts of me, and in turn all the people and parts around me. our personal wellbeing is only as good as our collective wellbeing, and i believe that it is only when i see myself beyond self, as a part of the intrinsic whole this universe ise connected by, that i can truly move towards what i’m seeking.
thank you for being here with me and reach out if you ever want to connect! email is turbobear@proton.me or other links as below :)