13.02.26 - luteal phase/ the end of my saturn return (part two)
here i am again it’s ground hog day which is to say luteal phase which is to say i can’t believe 2/3 of the month are feeling a cycle of fatigue, fragility, frustration, and “I’M ABOUT TO BURST INTO A TORNADO OF RAGE!!!” on rotation. i find it funny how just a few days ago i thought i had a sense of clarity and satisfaction with how i was approaching things, i could handle curveballs with grace, which is to say that i thought i was feeling grounded and in control. but two days later here i am feeling like i’m on the brink of tipping over a cliff. i am trying to remind myself that everything is exactly as it needs to be and i don’t need to worry. i am trying to trust this process and i’m trying to take deep breaths but it’s hard when all you feel like doing is screaming or punching something because you are feeling so helplessly out of control at everything that life is throwing you. oh to be humbled by this part of my cycle over and over again. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my sister said that luteal time is a time of grief and integration, the opportunity of a new beginning lost. i can’t deny that the intensity and depth with which my scorpio moon at this time of the month responds. but i guess with the pace of the world we are currently experiencing, and the intensity with which tensions are rising, it makes sense that grief feels like a bottomless well, and the only way to start to fill it is to slow down and take a deep dive in. i guess the flip side of this extremely hypersensitive and vulnerable and at times completely anguishing state, is that i am being brought into honest reckonings of my limitations, seeing the true clarity of the times which is the permeabilty of my porous boundaries and the cries for protection my younger self calls.and if i am committed to aligning myself towards touching the truth of whatever exists beneath all of the experiences and influences flinging themselves onto my ageing body over all of these years, then maybe it is possible to catch the threads of hope sailing in these winds of despair. the past controls the future but the present controls the past. if i am present then i can control my past, or at the very least the narrative of the past that defines my perceptual reality. i cradle my hand over my heart and start to feel my body soften again.
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tags: #astrology #luteal phase #noticing