29.01.2026 - she’s missing ah-gain!!!
I AM SEARCHING FOR INNER STILLNESS HAVE YOU SEEN HER? SHE WAS LAST SIGHTED ON THE 14TH OF DECEMBER 2025. IT MAKES ME KIND OF SAD THAT I TOLD MY FRIEND A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT I WAS FEELING LESS WITHERED BUT WHEN THEY REPLIED A FEW WEEKS LATER AFFIRMING MY STATE I REALISED I HAVE BEEN FEELING WITHERED AGAIN FOR THE LAST FIVE DAYS NOW. THERE IS SO MUCH WITHERING IN MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT AND IT’S KIND OF TIRING BUT WHEN I HAVE GOOD DAYS THEY LET ME REMEMBER THAT MY LIFE IS MORE THAN WITHERING. ANOTHER ONE OF MY FRIENDS HAVE MADE A COMMITMENT TO STOP THE INTERNAL WALLOWING. SHE IS A TRIPLE WATER AND HAS BEEN WALLOWING FAR TOO LONG. TIME TO GET A GRIP, I IMAGINE HER SAYING TO HERSELF. WHICH IS A GOOD REMINDER FOR ME TO TELL MYSELF THAT IT’S TIME FOR ME TO GET A GRIP TOO. I CAN’T HAVE MY INTERMITTENT CONTACT WITH FRIENDS ALWAYS LAND ON A NOTE OF WITHERING.
something i’ve started doing as a way to logically ground myself away from this very gaping hole is to try hone in to the micro-routines that will edge me closer to my deepest dreams, visions, delusions, fantasies, hopes, DON’T YOU atomic habits by james clear ME I’VE NEVER READ THE BOOK AND DON’T PLAN TO EITHER. I AM NOT A TECH BRO. THERE IS A FINE DISTINCTION BETWEEN BEING TECH AND BEING A BRO. MAYBE I ACT IN BRO WAYS OR CALL OTHERS BRO WITH THE HOPE THEY WILL RECIPROCATE, BUT I AM NOT THAT KIND OF BRO, YOU KNOW? i was about to launch myself into a coding course but then i realised the work was too much, it wasn’t even worth it for the process which is what i’m all about these days you know? i just said fuck it i’m gonna go back to cargo so here i am, crawling back.
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tags: #routine #noticing