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14.04.26 - ANOTHER DAY IN LUTEAL
ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER DAY IN LUTEAL PHASE. The first week of my luteal phase was going quite pleasantly and I was thinking oh em gee! I must have taken care of myself alright last cycle because I'm not getting any symptoms this luteal phase! Because apparently, according to traditional chinese medicine, the way you take care of yourself during your menstrual phase will determine the course of how your symptoms will go over the next cycle. so if you take it easy during menstruation, you're more likely to thrive in the subsequent phases of your cycle.
think of your menstrual cycle like the four seasons. the menstrual component is likened to your inner winter, therefore the focus is to orient towards hibernation - resting, withdrawing from the social domains, introspection, conserving energy, taking things slow, keeping warm. follicular phase is like spring - energy and momentum and qi is building, you start to reconnect with the outer world again. then ovulation is like summer - where you have the most energy, therefore want to connect with the outer world, socialise, digestion is at its peak so you can eat a cold salad if you really want to. luteal phase is like autumn - preparing to slow down, your body is possibly making way for another life, so you have to nourish yourself accordingly. i find it so funny that i studied at medical school for five years, during which time i covered the menstrual cycle at least 3 times, and i never understood the different phases until i read a random article from sunshine coast acupuncture about intuitively connecting the cycle to the seasons. and it just clicked and i've never forgotten since. !!!!! sigh.
but this week rolls around, day 8 of luteal phase, and i'm literally about to hit the fan. all irritating sounds in my vicinity on my way to work are evidence that the world hates me and i hate the world. anything that anyone asks of me that does not serve my immediate best interests feels entirely unnecessary and if they do it again i will literally spit somewhere as an effort to expel the boiling rage that is about to erupt inside me. ordinarily i don't think i feel that deeply but then i experience luteal phase. but it's been almost a year since i've been noticing the vortex it can suck me into, so i'm trying to quicken the response time of taking a step back and trying to observe the situation with a view not tipped with daggers. this time my saving grace has been amber akilla's 'being hot and having fun' videos on youtube, where we are learning different nuanced perspectives on leaning into the shadows until we find the light. if i've used this metaphor before i'm using it again because i need to. it's one thing to know something at face value, it's another thing to know it on an experiential embodied subconscious reflexive level so it can be retrieved at any moment no matter what state of mind or phase of your cycle you are in. so i'm continuing to practice it, finding slightly different ways of saying the same thing so it becomes more enmeshed in my neural pathways.
i'm combining these things with other things, like deep breathing or journalling or listening to 'between dreams' by mindy meng wang. or just trying to be without doing anything at all, which in itself serves as an action of disruption to my pattern of reaction and reactive contextually inappropriate or at the very least surprising urges of behaviour. I AM NOT SURE IF I'M MAKING SENSE BUT I AT LEAST MAKE SENSE TO ME. this is all to say that i came across this annoying bro instagram post but it actually said something useful which was that THE ANTIDOTE TO ANXIETY IS ACTION. it cemented some of the things amber was talking about and instead of welling in my despair i decided to write a list of all the things i could think of that were perpetuating my sense of insecurity and despair and started writing action points of how i could feel better about them. it sounds intense i know but better to face your fears rather than pretend they're not there?and i'm not doing everything at once, or focusing excessively on the negatives, but i'm just trying to normalise their existence so that i can bring myself back to the present and remind myself of my radiant essence!!!! :)
i'm combining these things with other things, like deep breathing or journalling or listening to 'between dreams' by mindy meng wang. or just trying to be without doing anything at all, which in itself serves as an action of disruption to my pattern of reaction and reactive contextually inappropriate or at the very least surprising urges of behaviour. I AM NOT SURE IF I'M MAKING SENSE BUT I AT LEAST MAKE SENSE TO ME. this is all to say that i came across this annoying bro instagram post but it actually said something useful which was that THE ANTIDOTE TO ANXIETY IS ACTION. it cemented some of the things amber was talking about and instead of welling in my despair i decided to write a list of all the things i could think of that were perpetuating my sense of insecurity and despair and started writing action points of how i could feel better about them. it sounds intense i know but better to face your fears rather than pretend they're not there?and i'm not doing everything at once, or focusing excessively on the negatives, but i'm just trying to normalise their existence so that i can bring myself back to the present and remind myself of my radiant essence!!!! :)
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tags: #noticing #luteal phase #third space #routine