archive
03.04.26 - i in relation
i want to take more funny photos. by which i mean taking myself less seriously in a way that is decentring myself without being demeaning. and also, i want to be more obnoxious, try and figure out how i can take up as much space as possible. to do this by taking myself more seriously, by centring myself just enough before it tips into glorification. i want to become a better version of myself, not to prove myself to others, or for status or recognition, but for and in the very process of getting to know myself better, learning to see my habits, accept my perceived flaws, nourish myself with compassion and in turn do it all for others. there's a difference between being triggered and being harmed, there's a difference between self-surveillance and self-observation, and that difference derives from the intention and angle of your gaze. what is the motive of bringing yourself under more watchful scrutiny? how do you know what is true, and how do you remember that there is more than what you see?
is it for self-optimisation, external validation, or self-transcendence? or is it a combination of any or all of the aforementioned? what is the most compelling driver and what its rippling implications, on self, other, the energy field, the collective body, the community, the society, the earth? and how can a shift in the weight of that driver, at any point along the way, shift meaning and outward expression? authenticity is a big driver for us. but at what point can authenticity be co-opted by governing systems and redirect us towards inauthenticity, for the sake of reality, in its rising fuel costs and increasingly divided communities?
and at what point does a journey towards authenticity become absorbed into the inauthentic system? i am trying to illustrate the deterministic duality of existence; the assumed defiance in which we seek to define other, not recognising when other becomes us or when discernment drips dry. when things start to change do we follow their flow, demand their return or resist their inevitable transformation? abstraction can be difficult to fathom and impossible to adapt to when routine runs linear and automated? which is why our brains seek comfort in familiarity, and change can feel impossible to accept when we already feel so scarce. we don't realise how much we are attached to something until it's taken from us. and i'm not talking about novel things. i'm talking about the things that have become deeply accepted as a part of 2026 human existence in the western world.
i want to take more funny photos. by which i mean taking myself less seriously in a way that is decentring myself without being demeaning. and also, i want to be more obnoxious, try and figure out how i can take up as much space as possible. to do this by taking myself more seriously, by centring myself just enough before it tips into glorification. i want to become a better version of myself, not to prove myself to others, or for status or recognition, but for and in the very process of getting to know myself better, learning to see my habits, accept my perceived flaws, nourish myself with compassion and in turn do it all for others. there's a difference between being triggered and being harmed, there's a difference between self-surveillance and self-observation, and that difference derives from the intention and angle of your gaze. what is the motive of bringing yourself under more watchful scrutiny? how do you know what is true, and how do you remember that there is more than what you see?
is it for self-optimisation, external validation, or self-transcendence? or is it a combination of any or all of the aforementioned? what is the most compelling driver and what its rippling implications, on self, other, the energy field, the collective body, the community, the society, the earth? and how can a shift in the weight of that driver, at any point along the way, shift meaning and outward expression? authenticity is a big driver for us. but at what point can authenticity be co-opted by governing systems and redirect us towards inauthenticity, for the sake of reality, in its rising fuel costs and increasingly divided communities?
and at what point does a journey towards authenticity become absorbed into the inauthentic system? i am trying to illustrate the deterministic duality of existence; the assumed defiance in which we seek to define other, not recognising when other becomes us or when discernment drips dry. when things start to change do we follow their flow, demand their return or resist their inevitable transformation? abstraction can be difficult to fathom and impossible to adapt to when routine runs linear and automated? which is why our brains seek comfort in familiarity, and change can feel impossible to accept when we already feel so scarce. we don't realise how much we are attached to something until it's taken from us. and i'm not talking about novel things. i'm talking about the things that have become deeply accepted as a part of 2026 human existence in the western world.
***
tags: #autism